South Park Chalkboard Bungle (Animaniacs parody)
by Scotty Dangerously
Summary: I thought it would be funny if South Park would make fun of an Animaniacs episode. I have changed a lot of words on the Animaniacs episode script. This story is not for kids, because it has profanity, obscenity, and crude toilet humor.


One day in South Park Elementary, Mr. Garrison is on his way to Mr. Mackey's office to tell him about dragging Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny to his house for a make-up class for their misbehavior. Mr. Garrison starts complaining to Officer Barbrady

Mr. Garrison: I'm getting sick of those kids' disgusting behavior. I demand to know where the hell Mr. Mackey is, because I want to let him know about taking those kids to my house to teach them a goddamn lesson!

Officer Barbrady: He ain't never gonna give you permission to take those kids because it's against the school law.

Mr. Garrison: Ain't never? That's a double negative. Retard alert! Retard alert!

Mr. Garrison pulls out a red marker from his shirt.

Mr. Garrison: I'm going to have to give you an F!

Mr. Garrison writes an F on Officer Barbrady's forehead. Officer Barbrady walks away saddened at the F on his forehead.

Officer Barbrady: Boy, I'm gonna get my balls cut off for this.

Later, Mr. Mackey returns from the bathroom to his office. He lets Mr. Garrison in the office. Mr. Garrison is sitting on a chair, facing Mr. Mackey.

Mr. Mackey: Mr. Garrison. It may look bad for you to drag Eric, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny to your house, but you're a damn good teacher. As long as you're not trying to rape those kids or anything stupid like that, you could teach them about good school performance at your house this Saturday. Mmkay?

Mr. Garrison: How kind.

In the background, Cartman and Kyle are fighting in front to Stan and Kenny

Mr. Mackey: However, the assignment I'm giving you will not be…You see, those kids are very vulgar troublemakers.

Mr. Mackey sees Cartman yelling at Kyle over being a Jew and then closes the curtains. Mr. Mackey drops a bag of weed on the floor and doesn't notice.

Mr. Mackey: Now, I'd expect that they'll be-

Mr. Garrison (cutting him off): What the hell is that on the floor? We don't do drugs. Pick that weed up now!

Mr. Garrison kicks Mr. Mackey in the shin. Then, Mackey picks up the weed and passes it to Mr. Garrison. Mr. Garrison pulls a red marker out of his shirt (again).

Mr. Garrison: Drugs are for fucking retards! F!

Mr. Garrison writes an F on Mr. Mackey's forehead. This made Mr. Mackey angry.

Mr. Mackey: Mr. Garrison! I don't think you-!

Mr. Garrison (cutting him off again): I don't slouch! Sit your ass up straight!

Mr. Garrison lifts up Mr. Mackey and drops him back onto his seat.

Mr. Garrison: Now, you were saying? And speak up. No goddamn mumbling!

Mr. Mackey: Mr. Garrison! Do you mind? I am a school counselor, not a student! Mmkay? Now will you shut the fuck up?

Mr. Garrison glares at the screen.

Mr. Mackey: This may be a difficult assignment that I am gonna give you, but it will be your responsibility to teach those kids a very valuable lesson about academic performance this Saturday. Mmkay?

Mr. Garrison: No problem. I wouldn't give a rat's ass about those kids missing out on Saturday morning cartoons.

Mr. Garrison closes up on Mr. Mackey.

Mr. Garrison: Now tell me. How am I gonna get those kids to my house?

Mr. Mackey (nervously): I'll have Officer Barbrady take those kids into custody at his police station til he brings them to your house on Saturday morning.

Mr. Garrison: Don't keep me waiting too long this Saturday.

On Saturday morning, Mr. Garrison is sipping his coffee while waiting in his house for Officer Barbrady. There is a knock at the door.

Mr. Garrison: Come in.

Officer Barbrady opens the front door and walks in with a multiple hole metal crate on a dolly. He puts the in front of Mr. Garrison's couch

Mr. Garrison: Let me guess. Are those the kids in that crate?

Officer Barbrady: That's right, Mr. Garrison. These are your students.

Officer Barbrady pulls a key from his pocket and unlocks the crate.

Cartman and the kids fall out of the crate gasping for air.

Officer Barbrady: Don't be too hard on those kids. You have a nice day.

Mr. Garrison: Don't worry, officer. I'll teach those kids a damn good lesson.

Officer Barbrady leaves Mr. Garrison's house and drives away.

Cartman (complaining to Mr. Garrison): Why the fuck do we have to put up with you, fag?

Kyle: Shut the fuck up, fatass. You got us into this mess!

Cartman: Can we, at least, get a pizza or something?

Mr. Garrison: This is a classroom, not a country club! Now find your goddamn spots!

Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny all sit on the couch.

Mr. Garrison: We will begin this make-up class by reciting the pledge of allegiance. Please repeat after me.

Cartman and kids: Please repeat after me.

Mr. Garrison: (shakes his head) No, no, no! Goddammit! No! Wait until I start, _then_ repeat after me.

Cartman and kids: (do the same) No, no, no! Goddammit! No! Wait until I start, _then_ repeat after me.

Mr. Garrison (pointing his finger): Stop that! I'm warning you, retards!

Cartman and kids (doing the same): Stop that! I'm warning you, retards!

Mr. Garrison (jumping up and down): Stop it, stop it, stop it!

Cartman and kids (doing the same): Stop it, stop it, stop it!

Mr. Garrison: If you don't stop it right now, I shall scream!

Cartman and kids: If you don't stop it right now, I shall scream!

Mr. Garrison (really pissed off): All right! That's it!

Cartman and kids: All right! That's it!

Mr. Garrison: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Mr. Garrison runs out of the living room to the kitchen, screaming.

Cartman and kids: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

The kids do the same. Then, they come back in and sit on the couch.

Cartman: With liberty and justice for all.

They run back out again.

Later, Mr. Garrison has written the classroom rules on the board in his living room. They are:

_No talking, no moving, no guitar playing, no laughing, no squirming, no gum-chewing, no drawing, no smiling, no singing, no sky diving, no guts, no glory, no yawning, no ducks, no swimming, no shirt, no shoes, no service, no blah, blah, blah, no rock and roll, no vermicelli, no TV watching, no dogs allowed, no camping, no use, no video games, no running, no yelling, no raucousness, no stopping, no parking, no snorkelling, no fishing, no smoking, no rain dancing, no square dancing, no service, __**NO JACKING OFF! NO ACTING LIKE TERRANCE & PHILLIP!**__**NO, NO, NO ANYTHING!**_

Mr. Garrison: Let me warn you, children, that I will tolerate NO B.S.! Are we clear?

Cartman: No, we're opaque.

Cartman snaps his fingers, causing him, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny to be almost invisible.

Cartman: Now we're clear.

Mr. Garrison: Oh. Let us begin.

Cartman puts his hand up.

Cartman: Oh, oh. You wanna suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?

Mr. Garrison: I don't wanna suck your balls. I wanna see your homework.

Kyle: Extra credit.

An angel's halo appears over Kyle's head.

Mr. Garrison: Let me see it.

Cartman: You can't. I accidentally farted a fire on it.

Mr. Garrison: Don't lie.

Kyle: You heard the teacher. Don't lie, you fatass!

Cartman: I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!

Cartman lays on his stomach on the floor, purposely attempting to fart a fire on his paper. Mr. Garrison tries to pull the paper off the floor, before Cartman tries to set it on fire.

Mr. Garrison: That is very disgusting, Eric!

Cartman and kids sit back on the couch in silence for a minute.

Mr. Garrison: I'm warning you, children! Don't make me use corporal punishment!

Cartman: Or else what? You're gonna put a chili pepper in my ass?

Mr. Garrison: SHUT THE HELL UP!

Cartman and kids choose to be quiet again

Mr. Garrison: Let us begin with our lessons. As for you Eric for being the worst troublemaker, you're gonna count to 100, without stopping!

Cartman: 1, 2, skip a few, 99, 100!

Mr. Garrison: No, you stupid retard! Give me all the numbers.

Cartman: I can't waste five minutes counting

Mr. Garrison: Let's move on. Kyle, do you know what five times two is?

Kyle: I know! I know!

Cartman (being sarcastic): me me me me me me!

Kyle: Shut up, fat boy!

Cartman: Hey! Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!

Mr. Garrison: Eric, watch your language or I will have you locked up in the basement!

Mr. Garrison calms down.

Mr. Garrison: Let's leave Math, shall we, children? We'll move on to Science. Stan, what can you tell me about the great scientists of the 18th century?

Stan: Benjamin Franklin?

Mr. Garrison: He's one of them and what did he invent?

Stan: Electricity

Mr. Garrison: And how did he invent it?

Stan: Maybe we should put that subject off for later and move to evolution.

Mr. Garrison: We're not getting into evo-!

Mr. Garrison pulls a handkerchief from his shirt and wipes his head with it.

Mr. Garrison: We'll move onto Grammar. Kenny, what is the meaning of the word procrastination?

Kenny muffles the answer in his hood and nobody understands him.

Mr. Garrison: You children are making this very difficult!

Cartman: Well, learning isn't easy. It's just a pain in the ass.

Mr. Garrison: I'm warning you, Eric! Now children, we could talk about some business.

Cartman takes a box of cheesy poofs and the other kids follow him to the piano.

Mr. Garrison: What the hell are you children doing?

Cartman: You said we would talk about business so we would act out a cheesy poofs commercial, like getting kids to buy some cheesy poofs.

Cartman passes out samples of cheesy poofs to the other kids

Cartman: I love cheesy poofs. Do you like them?

Stan, Kyle, and Kenny: We sure do!

Kenny is playing a piano while Cartman, Kyle, and Stan are in spotlights, putting their arms on each other's shoulders while singing.

Cartman, Stan, and Kyle: **I love cheesy poofs. You love cheesy poofs. If we didn't eat cheesy poofs, we'd be lame!**

Mr. Garrison jumps onto the piano, really pissed off.

Mr. Garrison: You stupid retards! This is a classroom! Not a TV commercial! Sit your asses back on that couch or y'all wish you were never born!

The kids obey his order. Mr. Garrison pulls a red marker from his shirt (yet again).

Cartman: Ooh, what is this? You're gonna set a dildo up my ass?

Mr. Garrison: Why you little… F!

Mr. Garrison writes an F on Cartman's forehead. Cartman gets really pissed.

Kyle: Hey! You can't do that to him, you son of a bitch!

Mr. Garrison: F! For name-calling!

Mr. Garrison writes an F on Kyle's forehead. Kyle starts beating his head on the coffee table.

Stan: You are such an asshole, Mr. Garrison!

Mr. Garrison: Same to you! F! For name calling!

Mr. Garrison writes an F on Stan's forehead. Stan lays down on the floor feeling upset.

Then, Cartman drinks a bottle of Turbo Lax and threatens to shit on the living room rug in front of Mr. Garrison.

Mr. Garrison: Eric! If you do that on my rug, I will lock you up at the police station and make you stay there til Monday morning.

Too late. Cartman pulls his pants down and makes a long and loud diarrhea explosion on the rug

Later, Officer Barbrady drives up to Mr. Garrison's house. He knocks on the door and Mr. Garrison lets him in. Officer Barbrady notices the same metal crate he left earlier.

Officer Barbrady: Uh, are you done with those out-of-control kids?

Mr. Garrison: Yes. Take those retards away and lock them up in the cell til Monday morning.

Officer Barbrady puts the crate on the dolly, hauls it out of the house, and drives it away to the police center. Then, Mr. Garrison is ripped off, revealing Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny in disguise.

Cartman: Kick-ass! We're going to the mall to play some arcade games!

The kids run off.

Meanwhile, Officer Barbrady is hauling the crate with Mr. Garrison in it to the deepest darkest prison cell in the police station.

Mr. Garrison: GET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW! I'LL GIVE YOU AN F! DO YOU HEAR ME? F, F, F, F, F! A GODDAMN FUCKING F, YOU SONS OF BITCHES!

**THE END**


End file.
